Cool colleague; fabulous friend
You will always be one of my very favourite friends. From the moment we met at Brighton Students’ Union in 1993 we each knew we’d found a kindred spirit: we lived, loved and laughed through the UBSU years and through the tears – sometimes in frustration and exhaustion; mostly out of pure joy! We had our Basement years, in the company of the fabulous Kevin Liston. I hope you two are boogying to the best of Bowie and working your way through the rest of your shared playlist from Abba to Zappa and back again. We also had huge fun in the company of other SU colleagues at various summer conferences; the best of which was at Strathclyde SU in Glasgow. This included the legendary steam boat trip on Loch Katrine in the Trossachs where our pre packed airline style buffet trays served to launch our supper onto the whipping wind the minute we, anyone, opened the lid. And on the way back Kevin entertained us with songs from the shows as he danced up and down the coach aisle. With his eager backing singers from other SUs, you and I named them Loch Latrine and the Trossach Trollops.
We, together with my darling husband Andrew Feest, had our shared pleasure in motorbikes and our love of leather. Andrew, like you works in steel, hand crafting beautiful period swords. You and he spoke for hours about steel and metalworking; about the best forge, cutting tool or choice of steel for each job. When I found the ultimate metal worker’s leather apron you and I were so excited. I gave both of you a personalised one for your respective 60th birthdays. They were handcrafted in Russia and I loved tracking them across Europe to Brighton and to Lisbon respectively. Couldn’t do that now though eh?
And then there were the birthday parties in the company of fab friends Antonius, Barry, Brigitte, Claudia, Chris, Harvey, Ian, Jeff, Julie, Matt, Sally, Su; and our beloved boys Andrew, Jorge and Bobby: Feestie’s 50th in Lyme, mine at Goddards, yours in Brighton;
and most recently my 60th in Brighton for which you flew in from Lisbon with my beautiful floorlamp designed to fit precisely in your carry on case. It is one of several precious pieces you have created for Feestie and me over the decades, including those featuring weathered metal washed up at your favourite source, Dungeness.
After Brighton you lived and worked in Edinburgh and London before relocating to Lisbon with Jorge. You were the king of comedy festival coordination and Karen Koren has crafted a great tribute to you in Chortle but it is at Crisis Over Christmas where you shone like polished steel. Your dedication and determination enabled thousands of homeless people not only to seek shelter, solace and skillsbuilding over the Christmas period but, through your work with Bow Arts and the Bermondsey Project, you also empowered homeless artists with their own studio space. This provided security, an address, social interaction, informed decision making and a creative environment in which to work, earn, source arts funding and thrive. So many of those artists and your Crisis colleagues are planning a celebration of your life. This will take place in the autumn and naturally in London. Farewell my fabulous friend, you are a man of iron with a soul of shining steel and a heart of pure gold. I shall miss you darling and keep you always in my heart.
Carolyn Lewis, known as Vera to her friends
You should still be here
We have talked about death, many times but i never considered that you might meet our maker before i did. Even though you are a lot more ancient than me, I really believed that you would be at my funeral and not me going to yours. I am utterly gutted that your light has been taken from my life. I feel robbed! I try to take heart that you have passed away in your sleep because you said, that is how you would want to go, if you went.
But you should still be here. I’m not ready to not have you be my friend. I have been a terrible friend. I never said how much better my life was with you in it.
I can’t take heart in knowing that you knew i loved you. I can’t take heart in knowing that you knew i missed you being in another country. I can’t take heart in knowing that our last time together was joyous, because i dont want it to have been the last time.
I am angry that you have gone. I think you should come back now, before it is too late.
I’ll forgive you for leaving if you forgive me for not being a better friend and reminding you at each meet that you are/ were the best of us.
Barry Paul Coley
